my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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