This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
