When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
