I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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