I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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