are you so shy because you have an std?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
