i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
