we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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