Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize