R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
