What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
