you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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