I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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