their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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