8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
