Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
