Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
