Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
