so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
