hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
