i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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