yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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