Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
