why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
