yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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