fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
