I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
