It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
