What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Alive.
So much puke
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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