Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
