i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
