you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
