Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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