p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize