i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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