i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
