Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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