they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
