she woke up with a sticky ear
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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