Small penises have feelings too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
