There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
