I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
