Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
