I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
