theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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