I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
