Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
