Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
