Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
