Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
