I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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