I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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