Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm passing your future prison.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
