You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
