Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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