Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
