so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
