it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
