This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
