dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
