Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
