Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
