just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
only if we run a train.
done.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
