Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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