you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
