if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
