I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
