i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
