i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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