Im at strip club and am horny
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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