the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
