Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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