This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize