1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
