I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
