I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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