You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
