There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
