look no pants
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
