I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
