wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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