Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
