So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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