Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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