But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
