My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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