Just took my morning after pill in the library
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
