hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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