hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
