Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize