Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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