I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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