Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
