His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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