trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
