I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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