does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
