You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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