shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
