I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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