It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
