what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
